The C Word

[Lisa Clark]

A few months back a friend posed a question. I was sharing my excitement about a potential camping trip. It was to be a weekend backpacking trip somewhere local. Backpacking is something I have never done and wondered about.

In the natural flow of conversation, my friend asked me in a serious, doubt-filled voice, "Yes, but can you do it?"

That one question planted a seed of doubt in my own mind. I considered it on my own for quite a while. The more I thought about it the more I realized I can't physically do that backpacking trip. The previous excitement turned into frustration.

There have been many health challenges in my life that led me to accept "can't do" as a way of life. A scant year and a half ago the word "can't" was eliminated from my vocabulary. It was now reintroduced and spread like poison. "Can't" unconsciously began to effect different areas of my life. It became a source of depression, negativity and prevented my kiai from being the strong spirit yell it ought to be.

Whatever the cause, I realized that the "can't do" person I reverted back to is not the person I want to become. The person I am striving to be is not depressed about her inabilities or hard limits. The person I fight daily to become discovers ways to overcome all obstacles. The words of a well meaning friend made me forget this for a while. Maybe next year a backpacking trip will be more feasible... Maybe. For now, there are soft limits to reconquer, hard limits to overcome and a kiai to strengthen.